My eyes are puffy...lookin on the swollen side...yes, from my tears.
There is just SO much goin on right now it just seems like a bad dream...
I just cannot let go or forget what my mom has been through. I know my mom would love to have me by her side right now. I also know that her pride gets in the way and my pride gets in the way. My mom never wants to cry in front of me and I never want to cry in front of her.
Last night after Bre fell asleep and dad in his office space (the garage) I finally was able to release what I have been holding back all day. My tears, which explains my puffy eyes. I feel so alone at these times. Yes, I have plenty of people to come to my aid, but again its that pride. Its time like these, I miss having someone putting their arm around me tellin me its gonna be okay. When my mom was sick years ago, my nana kept me afloat. She constantly told me to stop crying and continued to ask me where my faith was. Never allow the devil in as I am letting him in by feelings of doubt. She always reminded me to keep my faith restored, and never give up faith and hope.
I will get the strength together to get in my car and head on over. I just hate seeing her so restricted, brings back horrible memories. I will fight through it and hold her hand...
Dropped Bre off this morning at school and my baby never cried so hard. She didn't want me to leave. This is her 3rd week in school and this was the first time she did this. She senses something is not right. She knew I wasn't goin to work dressed in shorts & flip flops. When we pull up to the house, she thinks grandma is in the house, but I have to remind her that she is not there and remind her that she is in the hospital. Bre misses her Grandma and actually Nalla (our rott) does too. Nalla has just been pacing back and forth lookin as if no one loves her. =( I will be goin to Bre's school to drop off some cupcakes for her class since she was not in school for her birthday.
Anticipating some good news at some point today...
Heavenly Father, please continue to work your miracles. Place your wisdom inside ALL staff that comes in contact with my mom. Only you know all the answers. Heal her Lord and keep her faith and strength alive. You are the only one I can depend on and trust. I love you. Amen.
I just came over to see how Mom is doing today. I am sending some strong prayers from the east coast that she is doing better. I know all too well what you are going through and even worse that feeling of being alone, wanting someone to just understand. Try to take a deep breathe and close your eyes in prayer, let all of your emotions go and just stand strong for Bre and your Mom, letting go and letting God works for me all of the time.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear she is out of ICU today...
ReplyDeleteand Tricia u know how I feel about crying
there is nothing wrong with it at all
it is a natural reaction to emotion & a natural element of life
tears bring cleansing
tears bring re-birth
Feel Free 2 Be Free!!!
Glad to hear your mom is slowly but surely getting better. Hoping she gets home soon. I love you all.
ReplyDelete